As adults, most of us are hard-wired to take parenting very seriously indeed.
Although the mission of raising kids hasn't really changed over the generations, the context certainly has.
The world is now a very different place when I was growing up. I'd like to be able to reach back into my own childhood experiences as source material for modern challenges; unfortunately, though, way too much has changed.
I find myself having to think hard and long about where the world is going, and how best to prepare my children to thrive in it.
Since many of you reading this are faced with similar tasks (or will be soon!) I thought I'd share a few aspects of how I'm trying to raise my kids in this new world.
Take this unsolicited advice with a grain of salt: every situation is different. And while there is no guarantee on how my kids will eventually turn out, I am rather pleased as to where they are in their journeys.
Early Access I've always had computers around me, and I've always had computers around my kids. Online connectivity was always seen as a basic necessity, even when it was 9600 baud through the house phone line.
I clearly remember my first child climbing up on my lap, banging on the keyboard, and squealing with glee when the computer beeped. That gave way to the inevitable kids games (Putt-Putt was a favorite back then), with progressively richer computer experiences as they grew up.
I now have a young niece, age 6. I recently splurged and bought her a basic iPad, loaded with fun games and semi-educational software. It is by far her most cherished possession. I'd like to think I'm giving her a leg up in the new world.
Competing With The Online World
If you're growing up in the modern era, it's all happening online.
That's where the cool content is, that's where your friends are, that's where your homework gets done, and so on. Much like Alice in Through The Looking Glass, the small screen is a portal into an endlessly fascinating and engaging world.
As a parent, I don't want to discourage that engagement, but I do know there are downsides as well.
First, I care about balance. I want them to have engaging and fascinating real-world experiences to balance their online ones.
Trying to limit their consumption of online experiences in hopes that they will seek out real-world ones wasn't as successful as I had hoped; I now realize I have to actively put interesting experieces in front of them that will tempt them away from the soft glow of their screens.
Second, I care about hygiene. There are corners of the digital world that are unsavory -- as there are parts of the physical world.
Rather than try and hide reality; my wife and I have spent serious time educating them about what's out there, how to recognize it, and what to do about it. From porn to perverts to malware -- it's all out there -- so our goal is to create kids who are digitally aware.
And, of course, their computers were always in a public place in our house; never in their rooms.
Third, I care about conduct. Of course, I want their online conduct to mirror real-world standards: be polite, watch your language, etc. It only took a few examples of us coming back to them with something they said or posted online to realize the internet was a very open place indeed :)
But it goes farther than that. My personal online experience has taught me that there are many people who tend use their keyboards instead of their therapists; I want my kids to spot these same behaviors, recognize them for what they are, and respond appropriately -- usually by ignoring them; or occasionally escalating if the abuse becomes serious.
Learning To Form Independent Opinions
Completing classwork was relatively straightforward in my day.
You went to the library, there were authoritative books, and your task was to assemble and regurgitate the content from those publications into your classwork. People largely believed what they were told by the mass media, the government, the church, etc.
But that's not the game anymore, is it?
As my children progressed in their classwork, they'd often encounter multiple perspectives online around the same topic or question. For me, that's when the real learning begins: learning to assess the context and perspective of various authors, assemble your own perspective, and be prepared to defend it.
Life rarely presents you with simple and obviously correct answers. Authority is a subjective concept in the modern world.
Of course, you sometimes have to defend your approach when their teachers occasionally disagree with their conclusions, and grade accordingly :)
This behavior has carried over into watching mass media. We'll be watching a "news" program, and they'll often spot the inherent bias. Or they'll be watching one of the many reality TV shows that seems to feature people who live their lives as train wrecks (Jersey Shore comes to mind), and roundly criticize the cast for their behavior.
I may not agree with all their opinions, but I do appreciate the fact that they have a brain, and aren't afraid to use it.
Education Matters
As parents, my wife and I assume responsibility for our kids' educations. The school does their part, we do ours. The local public schools were more than adequate at the outset, but as the kids got older the divergence between what the schools thought important and what we thought important tended to increase.
Over time, our kids ended up at a relatively modest Catholic school; not because we are Catholic, but we saw that the implicit moral code and sense of community made a big difference in their educational experience.
My wife and I also invested substantial time to stay current with their classwork and their social lives; problems inevitably will crop up, and they're always best addressed gently at the outset if humanly possible.
Don't worry if you feel you weren't paying attention in high school; you'll get a second chance at all those classes :)
Thinking about colleges and universities presents a new set of issues; there are clear choices to be made, they can be expensive choices, and the choices tend to matter over time. In my day, you selected a major (and a school) that tended to point you in a specific career direction: engineer, doctor, lawyer, business person, artist, etc. While that model can still work for some people; I believe that the really interesting careers are more likely when you attempt to blend multiple traditional disciplines.
Unfortunately, many higher educational institutions haven't fully embraced this notion yet, meaning that -- as a parent -- we have to collaborate with our children to maximize their educational experience in this newer paradigm, working within the constructs of the university, while at the same time acknowledging their individual preferences and inclinations.
It's a delicate and expensive balancing act, and I'm not sure we've quite mastered it yet, but we're certainly trying :)
In my ideal world, my kids would be certifiably "good" at one or two core disciplines, and then spend the rest of their time broadening their perspective: literature, political science, photography, languages, economics, archaeology ... whatever it might be, as long as it is clearly outside their core.
Occasionally, we're fortunate to take them outside of the US to get an up-close view of what goes on outside of this vast country -- and how Americans are often perceived from the outside.
The reason is simple, the world is a diverse place; and I want them to be exceedingly comfortable with all forms of diversity: cultural, intellectual, religious, political, etc.
Social Brand Matters
As part of my work at EMC, I have built a professional social brand. I have explained to my kids why I've done that, and why I think it will be more important to them in the future.
One promising development: my eldest daughter is in her final undergraduate year at the university; she continues to invest in her professional social brand, and she's seeing the powerful benefits result as she transitions from academia to the workforce.
My youngest daughter (the artist in the family) routinely posts her work in various online forums where she receives feedback from kids like her -- and gets to see what they're all doing. Peer review in the modern world :)
This, in particular, is a major departure from how things worked in my day. Yes, networking and being visible was important back then, but we now have access to tools and platforms that are orders-of-magnitude more powerful than before.
My message? Learn to use them -- they matter -- no matter your choice of profession.
Lifelong Learning Matters
Back in the day, the widely-held perspective was that you got your education, and you went off to work.
Clearly, that approach isn't going to work in the modern economy -- most of the jobs my kids will be applying for might not exist yet. And as our politicians struggle with "creating jobs", I have to wonder -- how much of the onus rests on us as individuals to keep our marketable portfolio of skills current and relevant?
As a society, we are awash in educational opportunities: both formal and informal. For example, I can easily keep up not only with topics relevant in my official role here at EMC, but with topics clearly out of the box: current economic thinking, cosmology, physics, biology, music, etc. -- anything that attracts my interest is out there for easy consumption -- if I want to consume.
The behavior I struggle to instill in my children is curiosity -- because it's that natural inquisitiveness that ultimately motivates us to seek out these conversations and dialogues, and thus continually enrich ourselves in the process.
Raise inherently curious kids -- and the rest will likely take care of itself. At least, I hope so :)
Relationships Matter
One of the incredible benefits of our information age is just how easy it is to stay in close contact with the people you care about.
Email, Skype, texting, Twitter, Facebook ... the mechanisms are simple to use and ubquitiously available. Yes, writing long letters is becoming a lost art, but the richness of communications can be exceptional.
From my younger kids simply texting "we got here OK" to my eldest daughter continually sharing links she finds interesting -- I never had this sort of close, intimate and constant communication with my family when I was younger. It was mostly extended (and expensive) phone calls back then :)
We are inherently social beings, and are at our happiest when we feel connected to others in a meaningful way.
Sure, raising your kids in the information age presents new challenges where there might not be the clearest guidance forward.
But it's pretty clear that we all now have the opportunity to stay connected with them and their lives in a way that wasn't possible before.
I'll take it.
By: Chuck Hollis
